Thoughts on The 'Other Side'...

Well as you can imagine I have been thinking a lot about the 'other side' lately. We knew that Papa Stein wasn't healthy but it really wasn't at a point where I had lost hope that he would get better. In fact I was quite the opposite - I was very hopefull and optomistic that between the doctors and specialists they would be able to pin point what was going on and work towards a longer term solution. I mean 59 isn't very old!(For those of you who don't know the skinny on Fred's heart problems - basically his heart would periodically go out of rythm. This made any physical exertion very difficult. He went in twice and was cardioverted (heart shocked back into rythm) and it work quite well - he walked out of the hospital noticeably better but we had not gotten to a point in treatment where cardiologist were willing to talk about other options other than him continuing to go to the hospital when his heart went 'out' again.)

His felt as though his heart was out of rythm again the night before he passed away. That morning he just stopped breathing and then was gone.

Over the past couple of weeks we have talked a lot with each other and our kids about where Papa Stein went. We know that he is in heaven.

We also know that the idea of heaven and something beyond this life is hard at times to wrap our heads around. Its abstract and a mystery. It is not tangible and therefore takes faith and trust in the character of God. I know for most of us one of the largest truthes about God that we struggle with, is a cornerstone of his character - that He is good. Especially when we are feeling loss - where is the goodness in this situation!?!

As I question God and my own faith when things like this happen I have been reminded in so many different ways one thing that has brought me (and Ed!) so much confort over the last couple of weeks.

It is this, that although we see death as a scary and sorrowful thing - because it is a parting from ones we love - God's perspective on it is so much more beautiful and clear. When we die we get to shake off all the grime and muck of this life - all the things that held us back and broke our hearts and spirits are gone. We are free to understand who we were created to be and how great the Father's love for us. We will be redeamed - just as Christs sacrifice intended to make us!!
I particularly love this thought!!! We who struggle to understand love in its most basic forms will be free to feel its full effect without all the baggage and sorrow.
(Yay Easter!!)

Last Sunday I was struggling to pay attention and so grabbed a bible from the pew and started reading in 2 Corinthians 5. They had chosen this passage to read at Fred's funeral because he had a one point chosen Corinthians to do an extensive study on.
It just spoke of such hope in light of our sadness.

^1-5For instance, we know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents and folded away, they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven—God-made, not handmade—and we'll never have to relocate our "tents" again. Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what's coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we're tired of it! We've been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what's ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less. 2 Corinthinans 5 (The Message)

and the other verse that keeps comming to mind is this one

Now we see only an indistinct image in a mirror, but then we will be face to face. Now what I know is incomplete,but then I will know fully,even as I have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

How true is that...I know I don't see clearly right now but one day the hope and promise is that it will be known. I will be able to see.


I know this is a long bible filled post for some of you but in processing all of this - my faith in inherant. This is just me processing, so thanks for bearing with me.

I will close off here with a cute Eliana moment.
The other day while trying to explain to her that Papa Stein had died - I told her
"Eliana, Jesus came and got Papa Stein and took him to heaven."
To which she replied,
"How mommy, Jesus doesn't have a car!"

i Heart Faces - " Dramatic Black and White"

i heart faces "Angles"

This is one of my favorite pictures of my little girl. It was a different angle for me because to get her attention I usually am down on her level more...lol
I do ususally try to take new photos for these challanges but this has been a hard week.

Bye Papa Stein

Some days are just days and some turn into the days you will never forget. Thursday we received a call that turned everything upside down. Ed's Dad wasn't breathing and the abulance was on the way.

We immediately started packing and making plans for a spontaneous trip 3 hrs away before we had made it out the door though we received the second call that he didn't make it.

Its a strange mix of sadness and numbness as we changed our plans to go pick up Eds youngest sister before heading back to their dads place. The next 24 hrs were almost exclusivly spent driving. Once we arrived it was a wirlwind of meeting with family and making arrangements.

Here we are 3 days later and we are back home for a few days before we head back for the Funeral on Friday.

I know this all sounds just factual and rather brief but I don't think I am anywhere near acctually processing any of this.

Papa Stein was good man and he will be missed.

Playing with a New Lens and Lightroom

This is a photo I took with my new 50mm prime...I was just playing around and making Eliana sit for me. I loved her expression before the edits but I thought this turned out pretty neat.

A Mom Day...

Somes days are more fun than others as a mom - and some days make you really earn your stripes.

Sick days seem to be the stripe days.

Today I caught my sons throw up in my hands. I think I earned a gold star for that one. But gory details aside I thought I would share my strategy for managing a sick day.


Towels and Linens!! Lots of them - all of them...anything flat and washable fabric is fair game. I layer them all over whatever bed is being used by the sicky and voila! Sicky bug do your worst!

When the inevitable mess comes I just strip away the top layer and after cleaning up the little person put them back into their already made bed. It works like a charm.

The only downside is that very first moment before you set up the towel bed ...when you just realize that they are sick and going to throw up all over the your carpet.... then cuping your hands under there little face is surprisingly effective.
And yes gross but as with so many other mom things - just don't think about it!!

Your Capture - "Quiet"

So this is the first time participating in on of You Capture challenges but I just processed a pic that seemed to fit perfectly...So I thought I would stop watching from the sidelines and jump in.

Ever feel Stupid??

For something that you really shouldn't feel stupid for?

So here is my moment - two days ago at Jui-Jitsu I was training with a friend of mine getting ready for the next tourny...this of course means that we start rolling by standing up instead of on our knees. I was going for a take down so I quickly side stepped to grab her gui and bam! My ankle that was supposed to be supporting me decided to take a vacation. It felt like it had exploded - I lay there trying not to make a scene but all the while making a scene. Apparently me trying to not cry looks like I am laughing...so it ended up ok because the fact that my friend was still laughing at my not laughing - that looked like laughing - actually made me laugh. We got to the bench and my instructor took a look - I was shocked. It hurt so bad to touch or move it and yet even after sitting there for half an hour no swelling - no bruising. This was weird.
Once I got up the courage - I found I could hobble so I headed out to my van and headed home.
Silly ankle still hurt but I figured no swelling meant no real injury.
Ed was worried that something may still be wrong so he told me to go to the doc in the morning.
I got in early in the next day and the doc did not give me any good news. I guess no swelling or bruising can be a bad sign. Basically she was pretty convinced I had a fractured bone in my ankle and if that was not the case that my ligament had torn right off and that I would need to go get an ortho consult. Woah!! For an ankle that was just sore and stupid stiff this was a little crazy. But I mean she is a doctor - she should know what she is talking about right!?!

I went and got the xray and hung around town like they asked waiting for the other appointments - that they never ended up calling me about. Turns out doc went home and I had to call the office to find out what was going on.
"Oh there is no fracture so you just have a sprain"
Thanks Einstein.
What about this stupid ligament thing you have got me all stressed out about.
"We will get the doc to look over things and call you in the morning for a follow up appointment"
Ok Good Morning world.
No call from the doc - I thought I might as well call instead of holding my breath.
"Nope doc says everything looks fine its just a little sprained."
Well duh - thats what I was what I thought before I came into see you experts in the first place. Ugh.

Anyway they gave me a number for physio that the doc wants me to go to. Do I go?? Its a sprained ankle for heavens sake and the real crux of the matter is that I think my doc may be on crack and have very little confidence in her judgement right now. I don't think I want to put out the money on her recomendation.

So why do I feel stupid?? I think because I wasted a whole day yesterday running around and Ed took time off to watch the kids and was all worried and anxious for nothing. ugh.

i heart faces - "Jump for Joy"

So for i heart faces this week the theme is "jump for joy"
As soon as I saw the theme I imediately thought of this picture...I laughed at the time when I took it and it makes me happy still to look at it so I thought I would enter it even though there really is only a sliver of face in the photo.

I just thought it would make some of you smile as well.

Enjoy

Special Movie Night with New Special Friends...

So I am just going to preface this by saying that in general we are not big toy buyers and that most of our kids toys have been gifts. Don't get me wrong I am all about toys but with grandmas and aunts and all the relatives around so it is usually not necessary! BUT every once and a while Ed wants to do get something special for the kids as a surprise. I love it when he does it - it is such a wonderful daddy moment that blesses my heart to see. So tonight we went to wally world and picked out these for the kids and came home and watched toy story together before bed.

It was so cute to see them get so excited to see their toys on TV!

Then tonight we went to check on them and this is what we found...I just had to share it.

Quilts and Renos

So I have kind of been taking a break from the computer for the last little while but it is time to reconnect and get back to blogger land.

I have been systematically been working on reno projects throughout our house and the latest one has been Eliana's room. It is still not done but I thought I would showcase her wall colour and new butterfly quilt that I found that matches just perfectly!!