Just thinking out loud...

So I have to say with all this summer busy my house has gotten the short end of the stick. No really this is so beyond mom small talk that it has been stressing me out. It's like loosing a race with a wreaking ball that is rolling down a hill - things only go from bad to worse. Every morning I have been waking up to find the time and motivation to get everything caught up and you know what- those days have come but it's not catching up any more - it's just staying afloat. Take this week for instance, every morning I have chipped away at something but every afternoon I have looked around the house and it looks like a family of barbarians live here. Don't I teach basic hygeine and manners around here?
Sometimes it just all gets to be too much, I feel overwhelmed and failure. Stupid laundry that makes me doubt my own value and worth. Stupid dishes that makes me question if my husband even loves me. Stupid messy bathrooms that make me question if I am a good mother.
Stupid house - no wonder I love any excuse to leave all the confines of it's self demoralizing grip.
Do you feel me?
And then tonight - a God moment - it can only be described as such because it was the perfect revelation, the peace offering, the perspective that couldn't be gained on my own. The above rant has been my perspective. Tonight as I looked around just before I went to kiss my kids goodnight and my eyes rested on the pile of laundry on couch, my feet crunched through the crumbs and who knows what on the carpet, i passed the bathroom with running tap and floor covered in water and I remembered. I remembered that I am so blessed to be living in the middle of this beautiful mess.
Obviously I have had this moment before because that's why I named my blog the way I did. It was supposed to remind me but I am so easily distracted. You know your life is the wrong kind of busy when you can't see the beauty for the mess.
Beauty is SO powerful. I sometimes mistake a clean house for beauty - yes it's pretty and nice (and yes I still want it!) but for the pretty of my house - I miss the beauty of my children - of my husband (sorry Ed that doesn't sound manly but my readers get it don't worry)- the beauty of my life. My beautiful chaotic messy life.
Thank you Jesus for every second of it.